Military School for Two Year Olds?

Does anyone out there know if there is such a thing as military school for two year olds? I'd even settle for obedience school. Noah is about to drive me insane. He has suddenly turned into a little devil. Now don't get me wrong. He's never had a halo but his horns have sprouted big time. He is just so busy and is constantly into something.

Just three examples (from the last three days, I might add):

CASE #1

Time: Sunday evening

Place: Church

Darren and I were in the auditorium talking to James and Christy and Amy after service Sunday night. All the kids were in the back. Jarrod runs in and says, "Mom, you have to come stop Noah." Now, I'm no rocket scientist but even I know that this greeting bodes an ill wind. When I went to the back Noah had found craft paint and poured two bottles (blue and green) into a bowl. He had then dug in and was covered in paint from his fingertips to his elbows. Amazingly he didn't have as much on him elsewhere as you would think but that's not the worst of it. He had proceeded out into the fellowship hall where he designed a little original by Noah on one wall....then into the nursery for another wall mural....back into the fellowship hall for a little padded pew painting.....and finally into the foyer for some floor work. What a mess. I nearly beat him to death, cleaned him up, and set him in a chair for some alone time. Fortunately we caught all of it while it was still wet and were able to get it cleaned up before any real harm was done.

CASE #2

Time: Monday afternoon

Place: Living Room

I spent Monday trying to do some much needed housecleaning. My house is an absolute wreck after a month of non-stop activity. I put some Backyardigans on for Noah in the living room and went to clean the kitchen. He was quiet and I thought all was well. That's what I get for thinking. I went to check on him. He had been in Jacob's room and found an ink pen and proceeded to write all over the seat and one arm of Darren's tan leather recliner. Another spanking and more time alone followed. I've scrubbed the chair with everything I can think of....409, Crown Spray, hairspray, Oops. I even tried the Magic Eraser. Nothing will take it off so basically Darren's chair is ruined. I keep telling myself that before I know it all the kids will be gone and I can finally have nice furniture (Jacob ruined our last leather recliner with a black permanent marker when he was Noah's age) but that's not much consolation right now.

CASE #3

Time: Tuesday morning (today)

Place: Living room

I left the room for a moment to enjoy a rare visit alone to the potty. As soon as I came out I knew something was up. Noah was hiding behind the door. All you moms know that this is never a good sign. When I stepped into the living room I looked over to find that he had been disassembling my laptop keyboard. He had pulled several keys off. Yep, you guessed it. Poor guy got another spanking and some more time to think. Fortunately, I was able to put all the keys back on but you have to understand that this used to be one of his favorite things to do and he has been punished over it many times. It had been forever since he had touched it so I though we were over this particular thing. Guess again.

I shudder to think what tomorrow holds. Who am I kidding? The day is still young. What more could he possibly get into today? I don't know how much more I can take before I snap. Pray for me, please, and in the meantime if you find one of those military schools or even an insane assylum for moms of two year olds, please let me know! Heck, don't even bother contacting me. Just go ahead and sign me up!